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(Editor’s Note: This column was published
June 7, 2004, and is repeated today as still being appropriate.) Four years ago, Mickey Mouse could have beaten
George Dubya Bush for the White House.
Unfortunately, Al Gore was the candidate. Gore’s campaign was so somber he made Dracula look like
laughing boy. Dubya won,
naturally. This year Donald Duck could beat George Dubya
Bush in a contest for the White House.
But Donald is not running. John
Kerry is. It would be hard
to find a more humorless, colorless candidate than Kerry.
He might be the most brilliant, capable to run for office.
He can’t project that to the average person.
He comes across as a stuffed shirt with no personality. When he makes a speech, Kerry seems to be
reading from a script intended to loose the listener’s interest and
put him to sleep. Before he took speech therapy, Dubya stuttered
and stammered his way through every speech.
He walked with an effeminate prissiness. His speech and determined gait are patterned after John Wayne
after a lot of coaching. Kerry ought to find the same teacher—fast.
It may be too late for him to change his style into one with
charisma. His only hope is
to find a running mate who can get voters’ attention.
More than likely he will walk down the same path as Gore, who
picked someone even more dull than he was.
Joe Liberman. People like Gephart are retreads and likeable
but uninteresting as a Kerry running partner.
Someone like John Edwards or even Wesley Clark on the ticket
would be an asset. Edwards
has the charm reminiscent of Jack Kennedy.
Clark offers stability and forcefulness.
But that would make sense and Democrats seem to enjoy losing. Gone are the colorful candidates like Harry
Truman and Jack Kennedy. Truman
had character. Kennedy had
appeal, and he kept his romantic encounters private with the collusion
of the media who had more discretion in his day.
Clinton had the charisma of a “bad boy” who says, “As soon
as I get out of this trouble, I’ll get into something else.
But you’ll still like me.”
A hypocritical Republican Congress endeared
Clinton to the people with the farce of an impeachment over a sexual
encounter. Kenneth Starr
disgraced the dignity of the government by bullying a defense girl into
lurid details of sexual activity that would be banned in a book in
Boston. Clinton would win the presidency again if he
could run. But look at some of the other candidates the
Democratic Party has offered. Jimmy
Carter beat Gerald Ford’s reelection when he ran as “Jimmy Who?” When he got to the Oval Office he forgot what he was there
for, and would have made a better evangelist preacher than chief
executive of the United States. Along the way have been such forgettable
candidates as Muskie, McGovern, Mondale.
And who will ever forget that photo op of Dukas peeping out of a
tank with a cap on, riding around a drill field.
He looked like a child playing games, not a man who could run the
country. George W. Bush is seeking reelection to a second
term carrying the unenviable baggage of three years that have staggered
the country and the world. He
took over a country with a comfortable surplus and quickly managed to
chip away at the stability with the speed a “tax and spend” Democrat
could envy. He kept good on campaign promises for the wealthy with tax
cuts. The little guy got
$600. That translates to
$50 a month. Not enough to
take the family out to dinner. He took supposed intelligence information any
James Bond would laugh at. He
convinced the majority of Americas Saddam Hussein was the nucleus of all
terrorism. The American
people—and Democrats as well as Republicans—bought into the danger
of Iraq launching an attack on America with nuclear missiles and germ
warfare. The United Nations
didn’t buy it. Neither
did NATO. Our old friends
in Europe had more sense. They
would not join in a preemptive invasion of a sovereign nation without
provocation. Bush created a paper tiger with a coalition of such
countries as Iceland and Spain The invasion of Iraq started as a preemptive
strike to protect the world from Weapons of Mass Destruction. When it became obvious there were none, the drumbeaters
changed the Wall Street slogan to Iraqi Freedom.
No matter that the people of Iraq, other than those living
luxuriously in exile, didn’t invite us.
No rose petals on the street for the liberators.
Guerrillas have proved a more formidable adversary than the Iraqi
army during the invasion.
The American military is trained to fight a battle, not occupy an
unfriendly country. Although he can’t bring himself to say he’s
sorry or apologize for making a mistake, Bush has had to go back to the
United Nations for help. It
wasn’t his fault, after all. It
was the incompetence of all those he relied on: Tenant, Rumsfeld, Rice. The world stability is enflamed in terrorism.
The world economy is shaky.
Americans have become unwelcome in foreign country, even urged to
go home to avoid danger. Even though Dubya has a majority disapproving of
his tenure, Kerry stumbles along with a slim lead that changes daily.
Bush will likely win as the least unpopular, which has nothing to
do with ability. What this country needs is Donald Duck for
President. No one would
understand what he says. Therefore,
no harm would be done. Come
to think of it though—is Donald a Democrat or Republican?
Maybe he is a Green Party duck and waiting for Ralph Nader to
step aside for him.
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