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Vernon Howard warned in a lecture on “gushers” that some people would “use your mind as their personal playground” then leave you exhausted. Yes, gushers are some of the world’s best mind and time manglers. They blather praise all over you to make sure you are mesmerized into listening to their show and doing what they want you to do. Their show is to drop their problems on you and to get you to make decisions for them. As Vernon says, “They really don’t want your advice. They just want to gush away their guilt over being lost and lazy.” When I first read his words on gushers, I thought he was being a little too hard on them. So I made it a point to notice the next gushers who came to me with excessive praise. Sure enough, each one fit the pattern Vernon described. After the gushing came the baptism in their problems. I am not talking here about people who offer a sincere word of praise. I am talking about those who come on so strong with their whipped cream that you are tempted to lap it up. Their praise appeals to your ego so much that your ego rocks your good judgment to sleep. You can actually believe them! They appeal to you because they make you feel so special. You get the idea that you are the greatest thing in the world. The truth is they gush that way over others just as soon as they leave you. Some of them have a deep need to paralyze people with praise so they can suck the marrow out of their bones. With others, it is merely learned behavior. They had a parent who gushed around them so much that they adopted it without much thought. I once was the victim of a gusher who used me quite well. I came to see what she was doing, thanks to Vernon’s warnings. She was pretty good. Then I met her mother. Whowee! Now she was a world-class gusher. One night at a high society affair I positioned myself near her to study her technique. She had the perfect mixture of charm, voice inflection, radiant pleasantness and powerfully feigned sincerity. I knew she hated some of them but she gushed them real good, too. What a show! One way to protect yourself from such cunning creatures is to ask people who know them if they say incredibly sweet and glorious things to them. It helps you to see a pattern and once you realize they gush over everyone, you will not be as likely to lap it up. Another technique that works for me is to remember what they say and then when you are at your computer, type it up, black on white, and ask yourself, “Is this really true?” No matter how good a gusher is, they habitually get carried away and overdo it. It doesn’t come across with as much paralyzing power when it is typed in black and white as when they are breathing in your ear. Some gushers are well intentioned. They may have read how-to-succeed books recommending that the way to popularity is to say something nice to everyone. You might say they are “over Dale Carnegied.” I remember one author who said something like “the sweetest sound in the world to us is the sound of our own name.” So he recommended using people’s names a lot as in, “Well, I’ll tell you Bill, I have noticed Bill, that you, Bill, are the greatest. I really mean it, Bill!” Honest praise is indeed a wonderful, powerful thing. But there is as much difference in honest praise and gushing as there is in a sunrise and a forest fire. So when someone starts praising you, ask, “Is this a warm sunrise or a forest fire.” If it appeals to your heart, it’s a sunrise. If it appeals to your ego, it’s a forest fire.
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