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Anna Quindlen
says, "To remember is to understand ... A good parent remembers
what it was like to be a child." The best way to
understand our child at any age is to remember what we were and what we
did when we were that age. Some of it we would like to forget and that
is the very part we need to remember. When I was a
teenager, my buddies and I would carry a #2 wash tub, a sack of ice and
a case of beer down to Sterchi's pasture and get stumbling drunk. When
our teenage kids find another way to get goofy, we need to remember
things like that. Maybe we think an alcohol high is better than some of
today's highs. Maybe we're right (as in crack, crank) and maybe we're
wrong (as in marijuana). Either way, if we chose to get high, when we remember
that fact we can more easily understand what they do. So why is it not
easy to understand? Because we have such a convenient forgetter inside
our head. Freud called it "repression," meaning to press down
into the forgetfulness of the unconscious all painful memories.
Nothing is more painful than our own foolishness. What we need is
regular resurrection of repressions. Raise them up to full mental
awareness. Not just with our teenagers but with anyone we judge harshly. I don't know
about you but most of the time when I wise off about someone's behavior,
they are merely doing something I did somewhere in my past. How about
when someone cuts in front of us in a car or goes so slow it holds up
traffic. Have we never done that? A good habit to
cultivate anytime we come down hard on someone is to ask our self,
"Have I done this same thing or something worse?" To remember
when and where we did it is to understand why another person can also do
it. There is no
greater enemy of our spiritual life than unwillingness to remember. Oh
sure, we have changed. That's what the word "repent" means in
the New Testament Greek. It means "a change of the mind."
But it does not mean to start feeling superior to those who have not yet
made it to a change of mind. There's another word for that and it is
"pride," as in "a haughty spirit goeth before a fall and
pride before destruction." We talk a lot
about the Ten Commandments which were given as an Old Testament
structure for a civilized society. The main commandment Jesus gave for a
spiritual life was "Judge not." We feel so self-righteous
about not killing and stealing while we're violating the main
commandment for spiritual development. Simply develop
the automatic response of looking back over your own life when you are
judging anyone about anything. It is a sure and certain way to assure
our humility and to create a supportive, patient, prayerful attitude
toward all of our fellow beings. I know this is
not the kind of sweet thing you like to read on a Sunday morning but I
guarantee it will sweeten up your heart and make you taste better to
everyone you meet. Visit Dalton's
website at www.daltonroberts.com
and delve into his collected writings at www.ipsfeatures.com.
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