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Danny |
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Definition:
Algorithm- -a step-by-step procedure for solving a problem or
accomplishing some end- -from the Arab mathematician Al-go-rithm in the
year 825 AD. I think his
first name was Mat-hĕ-mat-el-matician. Al
Gore Rhythm - - well, that doesn’t really exist, considering how
mechanical ol’ Al is, but he does have an idea of how he can
accomplish one end- -the end of G W Bush’s tenure as president.
That’s tenure, as in: ’tenure the guy who
got 500,000 more votes than George Bush and still didn’t get to be
president, and all of a sudden you see the perfect revenge in the shape
of Howard Dean. Endorphins! Or
rather, endorse him! If he
wins, “you da kingmaker”. If
he loses, you step to the front of the line as the number one Democrat
for 2008. Al’s theory is
“we beat this guy once, we can beat him again”. But Al already had his chance to be the party
leader and he defaulted. After
the year 2000 election debacle, Al should have rallied the troops and
taken on the role of “The Voice of the Loyal Opposition”.
Instead of staying on top of things and giving advice or opinions
on whatever was going on, Al slunk away.
He gave the finest speech of his career as he graciously said he
would step aside and accept what was obviously the dirty pool-game
outcome of Field Marshall Rehnquist and his lackey dragoons.
And then he left to grow a beard and a belly.
Sulking in self-pity. Wallowing
out of the limelight. Then for a brief flash last year he was back,
with a book and a hint that he might be gearing up to run again.
But it was a false start and he, or his brown suit goddess Naomi
Wolf, or whoever, decided that the time was not right. Now, without so much as a how-do-you-do to
former running mate Joe Lieberman, Al has endorsed former Vermont
Governor, and present Democratic nominee frontrunner, Howard Dean. Unfortunately, this is sort of like George McGovern being
behind Thomas Eagleton 1000% and then dumping him, or Mondale endorsing
Dukakis at the end of the campaign.
It’s hollow and may even prove to be a millstone, rather than a
milestone, for Governor Dean. Dean has a lot of momentum at the moment, but
there is still some sort of “Jim Nabors” quality to him whereby one
minute he is Gomer Pyle and the next he’s a legit Broadway baritone. Come to think of it, he does look a little like Gomer. The best thing Al could do is take his lockbox
and sit this one out. But
political ego is a hard habit to shake.
Could this all be a result of Clinton aides such as TV producer
Harry Thomason and attorney Mickey Cantor sitting in the stands on
Wesley Clark’s side of the field?
And Al has no place to sit and needs to assert himself?
Who knows? Al Gore is undoubtedly a nice guy- -maybe too
nice to be president. Now
he’s acting like an old hunting dog at quail (or is that Quayle?)
season. But instead of jumping up now to hear himself woofing out
loud, he should go back and lie down by his dish and let the primary and
caucus season take its own course.
I suppose Al deserves a spot on TV in prime
time at the convention next summer, and he surely should come out and
loudly support the Democratic nominee whoever it turns out to be, but in
the meantime, let the new kids play “candidates on parade” and wait
and see. Of course they’re not really all new kids.
Joe Lieberman has been there before, and John Kerry too, and Dick
Gephardt has been running every chance he gets since I was in the third
grade. It’s a weird disease, politics.
Almost everyone in the House or Senate envisions themselves in
the Oval Office- -sitting behind the desk, not begging a favor. But as I hate to keep pointing out, Governors become
president, not Congressmen or Senators. And there is only one governor running-
-Governor Dean. Now it has been true during times of conflict
and strife that Abe Lincoln’s mantra for the 1864 election “Don’t
change horses in mid-stream” has been popularly repeated by Woodrow
Wilson and Franklin Roosevelt during each of the two World Wars.
But Nixon ousted the Democrats during Vietnam, Carter lost to
Reagan during (and maybe because of) the Iran Hostage Crisis and Clinton
ousted Bush the First during the Somalia skirmish.
So the idea that we “stay the course”, as Poppy used to like
to say, and keep Junior in the pickup truck driver’s seat for 2004, is
not as solid an argument as the $200 million advertising machine is
going to tell the American public on TV. Don’t be fooled by the snake oil sales pitch
again. As for the heat of a campaign with all of its
rhetorical blood and Gore, Uncle Al should find himself a nice place to
go fishing, open up that bait and tackle lockbox and re-grow the beard
and the belly. Kick back
and have a beer and toss that line in the water.
Makes me think of old Jeff Foxworthy’s line:
“Have you ever been too drunk to fish?”
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