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Patricia's Porch Talk |
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Perusing the many tantalizing choices on a menu the other day, it was difficult to choose an appetizer…they all looked so good. As I hemmed and hawed, I murmured, "Anything's fine with me… I'll eat anything except raw oysters, stewed okra………...or rutabagas." My dinner companion gave me a strange look, then added wryly, "Rutabagas? That shouldn't be a problem. No one serves rutabagas." Later that night, I started thinking about the 'What Ifs'….What if every time we ordered a burger from a drive-up window, we were asked, "Would you like rutabagas with that?" I can just hear a genderless, monotonic voice on the drive-thru speaker, "You can super-size the rutabagas today for only 39 cents. It's the Special this week." Even though I personally don't care for the yellowish, turnipy vegetable, I imagine it would be wise to accept the supersize offer. And, although I don't care for tofu either, I can envision a healthier fast food menu as having the propensity to change the health of America. The possibilities are endless, but humor me if you will while I touch on just the basics. There would be no artery-clogging mayo smeared on spongy, carb-laden hamburger buns made from over processed, white, bleached flour and laden with so many preservatives it takes over two weeks for green mold to develop. To add moistness, a thin layer of natural yogurt would be spread on a freshly baked, whole grain bun with no preservatives. Mustard is a good thing, so it would stay, of course. Instead of the watery lettuce with an off-taste because it was sprayed with only God knows how many chemicals to keep it looking crisp and perky for a couple of days longer, the new healthy burger would be topped with fresh spinach leaves. Onions and tomatoes are good things, too, so they stay. Pickles are okay, too, if you're of the pickle persuasion. For those who, like me, prefer cheeseburgers, the patty would be topped with a thick slice of soy or vegetable-based cheese. As a final touch, a nest of sprouts, a generous sprinkling of toasted wheat bran, and a few almond slivers would top the organic tomato, lettuce and onion. Now we're getting somewhere. Now, about those sides. As a general rule, the sides are the unhealthiest fares….high in by-passes and fried in heart disease. So, instead of fries or chips, fast food establishments would serve nutritious rutabagas, with thin slices of lightly sautéed summer squash offered as a seasonal change. In the Southern states, fried green tomatoes fried in light olive oil or one of the new healthy oil blends would be another option. Instead of the traditional fried apple turnover steeped in cholesterol, dessert would be a choice between a red or yellow apple, sans the wax job, or a banana. Red pears in the fall and a cup of fresh berries in the spring would add flavor and excitement to the menu. Kiddies would clamor for roasted skin-on almonds packaged in Kiddie Knuts packs as the ultimate fast food treat. In the prep area, 'seasoning' shakers would be filled with an piquant medley of fresh, chopped chives, parsley, rosemary, basil, at least two peppers, with a pinch of natural sea salt for those who think they simply must have their salt and haven't figured out the correlation between their puffy ankles and the bag of potato chips they just polished off. Instead of carbonated drinks, they would offer natural spring water, green tea, or lemonade in an old style paper cup that hasn't been waxed, so it could be recycled. The lemonade would have bits of pulp and a few seeds swimming in the bottom, a sure sign that it wasn't made from a powdered mix, and would be sweetened with unrefined sugar. For those who like shakes with their burgers, they would be offered a low-fat variety of chocolate, vanilla, or cappuccino flavored soymilks. As for the beef patty…..well, who in their right mind would eat all those healthy toppings and a soy patty in the same day? Only a health food freak who probably consumes tofu, also! So I say 'who needs it?' "Hold the patty". With an absent patty, 'burger' just doesn't seem appropriate anymore. We will leave it to the marketing folks to come up with a better name for our new healthy sandwich. As I look thirty years into the future via an over-imaginative mind and a keyboard with a tiny sliver of almond stuck between the U and I keys, I can see healthier Americans. . .and to think, it all began with the lowly rutabaga. Obesity, clogged arteries, heart disease, and diabetes would have hit the skids and the chain store owners wouldn't have those nagging worries about being sued because someone's child became super-fat from super-sizing. So, less illness, less obesity, and lowered legal fees? So far, it seems like a win-win. I can also see a trickle down effect in lower medical costs, lowered absenteeism, and reduced insurance costs. Just imagine, if we started today, by the time today's two year-olds are grown and have families of their own, they would all be conditioned to super-size their rutabagas at 'McRuta's… America's healthiest fast choice'. It's too late for many of us, but better eating habits and improved health could be only a couple of generations away. Writing about rutabagas began as a lark but became an epiphany. I think I'm on to something!
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