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Caught In The Whirlwind
“Nothing happens, and nothing happens, and then
everything happens.” -- Fay Weldon
Boy, does Fay Weldon's quote capture what I am
now feeling. It has been a whirlwind of activity during the last two
weeks and it will continue for at least another week.
Doctors...tests...doctors...more tests...doctors...tests again...more
doctors. At least at this moment I can keep all their names straight.
I'm not sure about my own, but I sure know their names and specialties.
In the meantime life does go on. Wednesday is the last day of classes
this semester. I just about have my presentation ready. I have one
more rewrite to do on my Creative Non-Fiction piece. I chose to write
about one of my former students. I am still in contact with her, but I
realized as I was writing this piece just how much we depend on others
in our lives and my love for her has grown as I wrote it.
Ever since I found out about the cancer I have depended heavily on my
friend. He has been at every consultation with me. I keep telling him
he doesn't have to be at all meetings, but all he says is “we'll see.”
My friend at work keeps track of me. She makes sure I have something to
eat and drink enough to keep hydrated. The guys on my team at the day
job are helping me a lot. They have taken on many of the daily tasks
that free me up to get what I can get done on those pesky reports that
have been sitting on my desk for at least three weeks. They are making
sure before everything heads south on a slide that I am able to get
things up to date. All this while having to take 1 ˝ days a week off to
visit my new best friends at Abbott Northwestern.
I really haven't had enough time to let all this sink in. I was
thinking last night of the last real meal I had. It was September 5th
for my friend's birthday. Steak, baked potato, vegetables (no V8 slap
on the head for me), and desert so big we had to share it. I mainly
attributed the weight loss, which was not so great, to the fact I had
not been eating too much. After a day at work I really didn't want to
come home and fix something. And I thought the ulcer was acting up
after having been gone for about 20 years. So, no big worries. Then
there was the 10 pounds in 14 days that caused me to be concerned. It
got me to the doctor. But I still wasn't worried. But, now, looking
back, I can see where the signs were. For the first time in my entire
life I don't have a doctor telling me to lose weight. This is something
radically new for me. I get to have chocolate milk!
Sometimes the signs that all is not well are lost in the hustle of daily
living. I'm still in that hustle. Sometimes we just don't see what is
happening before us until we get time to step back and look at where we
have been. I still have many things that have to be put in order before
I can let myself stop and really think about what is going on. I figure
that will take place sometime after next Wednesday. Class will be over,
the whirlwind of doctors and tests will be done, we should know the
course we are taking. Then I will have time to sit and ruminate.
That's when I will be on the phone to friends. That's when I will be
making those calls to relatives. That's when I won't want to be alone.
At least until Friday night when we have the “Girls Night In” at my
place. Some of the girls at work have a party planned. I'm up for
that!
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