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My gargantuan head not only means more hours per month at the hairdressers than any other human alive (with the possible exception of Oprah who also appears to have a very large head and certainly a HUGE budget for hair), but also from the start of my biking hobby my colossal head has given me helmet issues. As in…. finding a helmet to fit my super-sized orb has been a problem from the get-go. I’ll admit that most of the issue is that although I have a rather massive head, I have been trying to cram my watermelon into helmets designed for maybe an acorn squash. The problem? I like pink. Pink is the girliest of colors and even when I was a little girl, I loved everything in Pepto hue. The quandary for me was that even the largest ladies pink helmet perched atop my head like a beanie. What was I to do? I bought one anyway. While my friends were busy securing their ponytails daintily through the back of their perfectly fitting helmets, I spent all my time trying in vain to push my helmet down far enough on my head to ensure even minimal protection in case of an accident. I had to carefully pull all my hair way down on the nape of my neck so that not one iota of “puff factor” could inhibit the safety of the helmet. Usually by about mile five my helmet would pop back up and tilt to the side. “You wear your helmet like a beret.” My husband said, and he too tried in vain to push that sucker onto the beach ball that poses as my head. “Buy a new helmet.” This became my quest. Unfortunately, when he measured my head, I discovered in horror that not one women’s helmet would fit my hefty head. “MEASURE IT AGAIN!” I screamed to my husband who dutifully took the tape measure back to the pumpkin. There was no denying the number on the tape measure. Not only would I need a MEN’S helmet to safely encase my elephantine skull, but I needed A LARGE MEN’S helmet. The search consumed me. I swept the web’s numerous bike supply stores in hopes of finding just the perfect men’s large pink helmet. After weeks of obsessing and looking, I took the plunge. I ordered a super technically cool Rudy Project helmet. Pink. Men’s size large. Luckily cycling is one sport where real men DO wear pink. Then I waited. I was beside myself with excitement at the thought of my perfectly fitting cool pink helmet. Then it arrived. Housed in a very posh box like only Rudy Project can do, it was exciting to open. It was pink. It was technically cool, as promised. IT WAS GINORMOUS! It was simply the biggest pink helmet I have ever seen! I stared at that huge pink guy for a while. “Wow.” I said. “Try it on.” My hubby said, as if to the ugly stepsister trying on the glass slipper. Only this glass slipper was size XXXL! And guess what? IT FIT! The dang thing fit like a glove! Wow. I was spellbound in pink splendor in my super duper new pink helmet. “Maybe next helmet.” I squeaked, as I adjusted the strap under my chin. “I will choose black.” Isn’t black slimming?
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