|
|
Side |
|
|
Return to Current IPS Features
|
Let’s me talk for a moment about me and my big giant mouth. I have the most enormous mouth on the planet. It’s true. I am always spouting off at ye old cake hole about one subject or another, but worse than that, oh, much worse, are the promises I make that I do not want to keep. The finches. My friend Kristi’s son has a male and female finch. When we went to her home for a visit, my son Liam fell in love with the little birds. “Do they have any babies?” He wanted to know? “They have laid some eggs,” Kristi revealed, “but so far none have hatched.” “Oh, my grandma had some finches.” My hubby told her, “She called them the ‘damn fitches’ and said, ‘those damn fitches’ eggs never hatch.’ You don’t have to worry; you will probably never have any baby finches.” Kristi was relieved to hear that her son’s finches would most likely remain childless, but, just in case, she said she was doing research on the internet on how to care for baby finches. “Can I have the baby finches if they DO have eggs that hatch?” Liam begged. I looked at my hubby sideways. “They will never have eggs that hatch.” He promised. “I am not feeling optimistic that they will hatch any eggs.” Kristi backed him up on the subject. “OKAY!” I promised. “IF any of the eggs hatch, you can have the baby finches when they get old enough.” A couple of weeks later Kristi revealed that the finches had once again laid some eggs. A few days later, she revealed that they had tossed one of the eggs onto the floor of the cage, and that she found a tiny baby bird inside. “You don’t think that the other eggs are going to..... hatch, do you?” I gulped. “I don’t know.” She said. I remembered my husband’s grandma and the ‘damn fitches’ and felt happy again about my promise to keep any baby birds. Of course there would NEVER BE any baby birds to worry about. And then the eggs hatched. “We have babies!” Kristi exclaimed. Imagine my joy and jubilation. Surely the baby birds would not live to fly. “THEY ARE FLYING AROUND THE CAGE!” She enthused, a few weeks later. And then, finally, today, “The finches are ready for you to take them home.” To say that my son is ecstatic over this unlikely development is the understatement of the century. “WHEN can we get the finches?” He asked, the moment I got off the phone with Kristi. “WHEN?! RIGHT NOW????!!! CAN WE GO OVER THERE RIGHT NOW?!” I reminded him that we did not yet possess a cage nor a smidgin of knowledge about the care and upkeep of baby finches. “Don’t worry,” Kristi told me, “I can tell you everything you need to know about caring for finches.” After all, Kristi was the miracle worker who had done what Raymond’s grandmother could not do in 10 years- hatched some babies from the “damn fitches”. Lucky us! We agreed that the bird pick up will be next week. We will then be the proud owners of finches and a lifetime of cage cleaning, bird watering, feeding, and upkeep. All this as a result of my inability to keep my big fat yap closed for a nanosecond. One day I will learn to never promise anything that I do not want to happen. EVEN if it seems HIGHLY UNLIKELY that: the dog will have puppies, or the bird will hatch eggs, or someone will offer Liam a seat on the space shuttle- I need to learn just to keep my big trap in the locked and closed position.
|
